22/06/2012
One Night When My Heart Was So Sad
You don't have to be sad to be sad. Sadness is like a guest, it comes and goes, not the host who decides. That's how I felt that night, sadness suddenly became very disturbing. Everything is actually fine. And even if life is full of problems, my yesterdays weren't empty either. After all, which life is not problematic. But why that night, my day felt so bad. Piles of problems such as concatenated into one.
As far as I remember, the trigger for this problem was just a memory of one business. Old business, but not finished yet. I guess that's what then spoils the next feeling. Because the other igniter joins the fire. From one face of business, then another face of my friend appeared. An old friend, whom I trusted deeply. He did place a certain amount of trust in him. The first year is the best, the second year is good, the third year is negligent, the fourth year and so on, you don't know where. It's not in my nature to call if he forgets, reprimand him if he's absent and chase him if he runs away. For me, once trust, it should be taken care of without me bothering to take care of it.
This kind of character turned out to be troublesome for me, because all of this was not a picture of my sincerity. I was silent but anger still burned my crown. This is the trouble of being a well-meaning person who is not yet truly good. I actually just reached the stage of being willing if my kindness is repaid with similar kindness. If betrayal was the reward, that willingness turned into my anger. That conditional kindness turned out to be my current class. I secretly masgul that my strength is only limited to that.
One face disappeared, the next one appeared, this is another face: a business partner who once came with a convincing face but then fled in a convincing way. This hurts my heart. ''The same mistake is repeated again,'' said the wife. So far I've been letting it go even though it's not hard to call her, or even report it to the police. Gone this face, another face appeared, a face that was actually very good, but why on this last matter, he failed to act like his usual character. It turns out that even people who I thought were of good quality could slowly become of inferior quality and become of no quality at all. Unfortunately, this person became unqualified at the wrong time, when I felt like all these people were letting me down.
As the night went on, the more I grew darkened by anger. Want me to run into all these people that very night. Calling everyone, threatening him if necessary, or at least just cursing at him as an outlet for my anger! I feel like I'm in bad luck because all the people I trust feel like they just betrayed me. It wasn't just their behavior that hurt me, but my own weakness in allowing all this to happen, tortured me even more. So as a lesson for myself, at that very moment, no matter what time it was night, I was ready to pick up the phone and hit them all.
But when I was about to dial the first number, for some reason I changed my mind. "Why don't I just go to sleep," I said to myself. I went to sleep and promised to do the anger tomorrow only. “Even anger requires stamina. Tomorrow will be more energetic,'' I said to myself. Eh I never thought, I sleep very easily. And the next morning, I woke up very refreshed. Very light body and mind. And the faces from last night that I hated so much and wanted to devour, appeared again. Oddly enough, I no longer pictured myself as a ringleader and a traitor, but returned to the faces of my old friends. Friends who in these days can be in trouble and have absolutely no intention of making it difficult for me. So instead of cursing at them, that morning, my compassion appeared and I imagined their faces as those who were suffering.
It turns out that the number of problems in this world remains mere. What is often different is our strength to him. So if you are feeling tired, put it down. Take it only when you start to feel strong. Because if you are strong let alone happy, the same problem can be seen from a different angle
